I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
