New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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