I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
