Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
