This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
