As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
