So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
