I can tuck mytits in my pants
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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