I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You pole danced in your parka.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
