She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
