Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
