just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
