Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
