3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
