My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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