how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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