fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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