Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My bed smells like the plague
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
