she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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