So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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