I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
