do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
