well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
