Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
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