yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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