my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just gift wrapped bread.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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