Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
