I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
