you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
