my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
