I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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