Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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