I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
