where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
