We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
