Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
