He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
