I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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