The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
