i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
We won't sleep together?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
