I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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