I have demons in me.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize