If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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