Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
