I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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