I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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