kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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