How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You dont lie about slip and slides
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
