Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
