I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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