ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
