Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
