you traded sex for a burrito?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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