If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
