She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
