Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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