butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
