I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
